Friday, October 30, 2009

Versus for Night Terror

Is almost done. Should be ready several months after I get bored with L4D2.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Night Teror coop final

After minutes and minutes of work we have finally completed the coop portion of our powerpoint presentation known only as NIGHT TERROR!

here is the changelog:
-Set the house on fire.
-Players start in the mouth of a giant shark.
-Added 700 new trees.
-Bathrooms now appear to be recently used.

-Replaced with moria only UPSIDE DOWN

-Added infinite panic event that starts the moment players leave the saferoom.
-Stairs are narrower
-more smokers near the stairs
-Increased the size of the tank so he looks more Balrog-like
-Giant boulder on your shoulder for those who are feelin kinda older

-Changed the greenish colors to blue to make the map more accessible to the colorblind
-Ends with a giant witch boss fight on the top of a burning oil tanker in space

-Added a church, a fountain, and an industrial warehouse

Monday, October 5, 2009

The AI Director...

is a stupid piece of shit and doesn't spawn nearly enough zombies.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Level design theory and applied sciences

I get a lot of emails asking “where do you get your ideas?” And my usual response is “fuck off ya stupid bastard if you are so unimaginative that you can’t even come up with a basic fucking concept for a map then you should just shoot yourself because you don’t have a single creative bone in your worthless fucking body.” But today I decided to publicly give a brief rundown of the mapmaking process due to advice given to me by my legal staff.

Step 1: Pick a theme. For example:
- snowy urban industrial warehouse
- urban industrial warehouse
- industrial warehouse in an inner city zone
- desert with urban industrial warehouses
- a warehouse with shelves and boxes
- an alleyway out behind a warehouse
- an urban industrial warehouse in Somalia
- urban industrial warehouse in outer space with red tubes, glowing crap, arches, a church, a fountain, red carpet, zany colors, things that move, dark areas, really bright areas, and music (my personal favorite)

Step 2: Start building it. Planning layouts is for sissies. Just make it up as you go.

Step 3: Use some brick textures. Everyone loves bricks.

Step 4: Picking a location for your church and fountain. You wanna make sure they are within running distance of each other.

Step 5:
Add stupid “interactive” crap to entertain your moronic fanbase. If you don’t have a fanbase yet just make shitty maps for 6 years until you do. This will require you waste the better part of your young-adult life.

Step 6: Blog about your map before it’s done. Everyone wants to read about your stupid shitty map even though you have almost no chance of ever finishing the thing. It’s important to sell t-shirts and have a release party for your boring lackluster piece of garbage too. People will want to hear about all the insane bullshit that you promise your map will do.

Step 7: Tell every website about it. Websites hate coming up with original content and will jump at the chance to pimp your work. Make sure your emails are formatted so they can easily be copied and pasted by the webmaster.

Step 8:
Compile it.

Step 9:
Have a nervous breakdown when it doesn’t compile.


Wait a minute this doesn’t explain where I get my ideas. How did that happen? Oh well save it for another blog post I guess.

Friday, September 25, 2009

L4D2 impressions from the TGDGABE

Got a chance to preview l4d2 at the Tokyo Game Developers Going Away Birthday Extravaganza… Wow. I was impressed. The new special infected are great. The Spitter’s screeching howl and blinding effects were great and really put an end to the “six armed spud cannon” technique that now plagues the first game. I’m not sure why they thought the Charger needed to fly but it was a welcome change anyway. When you see it in action you’ll know why.

But my favorite of the new special infected was the newest cast member: The Sasquatch. Holy mother of mercy is this dude badass. He’s big and slow but if you get too close you become entangled in the hairy mangled carpet that covers his body. You then need to spray him with the new Weed-Killer item to free your captured comrades. The Weed-Killer takes the place of pain pills / adrenaline shot so choose wisely my fully evolved associates!

I didn’t get to see him in action that long because I was forcefully removed from the event by one of VALVe’s gestapo employees who insisted I take off my 50-gallon cowboy hat that reads “fuck all yall other mappers, NIPPER is KING! reppin’ www DOT joe DOT to bithces”. They said it was blocking peoples view. VALVe makes some good games but they dunno shit about fashionable hats.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Important update

night terror sucks and I don't feel like working on it anymore